Losing You... Nanay Dely

The day came that I never wanted to happen. 

It was a bright sunny day, woke up late and had no mood to cook. So, I decided to ask my housemate to cook breakfast for us, though I know he only fry this and that, but I was really not going to cook for the day. After convincing my housemate to cook, I took my laptop and turned it on at our sofa. As usual, I opened my email and Facebook, it was normal for a few minutes, nothing much after I slept the other night, a few jokes and quotes from my friends.

Then I noticed my sister had a message, so I thought it was only a normal message from her, asking me to call because Nanay wanted to talk to me, but to think of it, I just talked to Nanay a week ago. So, when I read her message I just stared at it, gathering my thoughts and senses, heart pain is increasing, holding my tears, and not believing what I was reading. She said.... "please call me asap Nanay had stroke... at ICU".

So, I immediately called her to ask what happened, she was crying at that time, telling me what took place. It was hard to take in because I didn't know what to do, wishing that it was all a lie or I was just having a nightmare. But it was real, it was all real, I was about to lose my Nanay. With a few more calls here and there to know what is happening, it made me feel alone, hurt, sorry, regret and dying from inside. 

Then the hardest part is to tell Tatay what happened. It was hard, but we need to tell my Tatay. We scrambled to contact him with the calls and emails, who was in Saudi. It was Ramadan, so working hours are shorter, it was worse because it was Friday and they didn't have any work on that day. Even knowing his office number, it was no use, because he is not there. Finally, I received a reply on my email, asking me to give him my other sister's number so he could call. It was tough because I know how my Tatay loved my Nanay.

By that time, I left our house and went to the city (at Somerset) to ask help from a friend.

I called again, and my sister cried even louder, it made weak, so I asked her what happened. 

Her next words was "just to ready myself..."

I asked her a stupid question, "ready for what?"

I already know the answer, but I didn't want the answer to come from me.

By that time, I was seating on the bench in the streets, tears were falling from my eyes while I talk to my sister.

I stood up and walked around to catch some air, I went back to my friend and told him, I will just come back home, not telling him that Nanay will not be with us anymore.

There was no more glimpse of hope from there, we are just waiting for the time that Nanay would leave us.

As Nanay now is in life support, I remembered all the days, weeks, months, and years I spent with Nanay. It was hard to accept that I know that my dearest Nanay will not be there to spend another day with me.

Then Sunday came and I went to church. I was on the MRT, then I received a message from my cousin that Nanay have no more life support. 

I called my sister after that, I was crying already even before it rang, and I told her I wanted to talk to Nanay.

Then I told Nanay, I Love You... Sorry for what I have done... I Love You... Sorry po... I Love You... it continued this way until I put down the phone.

The mass was just about to start and I messaged my sister asking her to kiss Nanay for me. She did and when the mass started...

I lost my dearest Nanay Dely.