finding it again

I just can't sleep tonight because I've been thinking of work and my life... Though I feel I like the work that I am doing, I just feel that it's never enough on what I see every day. But aside from work, is my personal life, were I really don't know where I am going right now...

"Unhappiness" is the one word I can relate to what I have for my life now. I am unhappy because of my mom passing away. I am unhappy because I feel alone in a world unknown. I am unhappy because I want something but I just can't get hold onto it. I am unhappy because I just feel unloved.

When I lost someone I loved dearly, I was hurt. I was hurt because I never really loved someone like that my entire life. I felt hurt even more when that someone loved someone else. I never imagined this would happen, but it did.

From that day, I knew that this can happen to me again and again. Someone I love would leave me for someone better than me. From that experience, I hated the feeling of being in love where I knew it was not true. I hated being stubborn and clinging onto to love that wasn't there. I felt from that day, there is no security for someone to love me anymore.

So, now being single, I really never felt comfortable of loving again. I may like a lot of women, but not fall in love... because when I do, it would only be her in my heart. I knew this, when I found love. But, would I find it again?