the catch

We had fun together, even when we go out with our friends, it was fun for us 'coz we spent each night together. We talked about our past, our present and what is supposed to be our future. We also did as the same thing as other couples would do... dinner, movies, long walks and the usual stuff.

At times when we go out, I would feel hurt when her attention is not focused on me. I would be hurting 'coz I felt I was left out. I felt she was happier with other people than me. It was ruining me inside, until we confessed that we were together. Then my insecurities where gone.

I was working with her and it seems so hard 'coz I really never know where to draw the line of being a colleague and a boyfriend. I would be irrational most of the times at work 'coz I would protect her or most of the times over-protective that Canon or me gets in trouble. We would argue about this all the time and it was hard to keep up 'coz I really never was in this situation and I didn't know what to do.

We both knew that I was there not for long and I needed to go back to my workplace, which is so far from her. It would be a long distance relationship. Canon asked me to stay with her and look for a new job, then start a new life with her as a couple. But I decided to give it one more chance and flew back. It was hard everytime I went back to see her just a month or so, but she really wanted me to stay.

The last time I went back to my work, I told her it would be the last draw and I promised Canon I will be back. We spent our time watching ourselves in webcams. I would send her love letters thru her email. We would call each other about our personal lives or work. But what I didn't know was she was really hurting inside that I was taking too long to be on her side.

Then, Canon decided to broke-off with me 'coz I didn't keep my promise of going back to her at the time I told her I was. I told her the truth that I was being kept for additional months 'coz of my work. Then I promised again and again, until she finally decided to call it quits for the nth time. After that, it was sleepless nights. I found myself thinking of the mistake I have done, but I really have no control about it. I was stuck and nowhere to go to, I am just waiting for the time that I can go.

It was the day that I left my work and looked for her. I was lost and unsure of my future as I left my job, it was a decision that my family and friends had good or bad opinions on my decision. I left the job that I loved to do, to come back to her and ask her again. It was silly, crazy, stupid, loving, touching, and risky. In the end I lost the job that I loved to do and I really never got a chance to win her back.

I went to Church to pray that we can be together again... But, it really never happened... and until now...