Nothing Really Changed
Nothing really changed from the moment we parted ways. I struggled most of the times of having her back into my life where it led me to this... a depressed, emotionally drained me. I was still hoping that there would be something good, a happy life with her. I made efforts in sorts of ways to be close with her, but in the end miscommunication and decisions led to anger and hate.
I thought before, I would not be exhausted with all of our arguments, but in the end I felt I need to give up already because it's not worth fighting for anymore. I had moments that I just wanted to die because no one cares for me. I had moments that I would be so tired that it is just a hassle to keep moving forward and look for a good future.
I feel that it doesn't matter anymore because there is nothing right. Things will just not changed, I guess because we can just blow up in any second. If we feel something wrong, we would just show our frustration and anger towards each other. It's unavoidable in a way, as we have the same traits. Any wrong button pushed, it will just spread like wildfire. I hope it was different but it's not. There are only two choices to make... It's either to just give up and move on or continue on and hope for the best to come.
But, hoping for something better in the future is not so easy, especially for me. I hate waiting for something, I want the answer immediately. It's either YES or NO and I just can't accept MAYBE. It's who I am and it would not change. I hate waiting! I just hate it! If there is only a chance for me to know then I can clear my mind now and move forward, and if not, then I can just say enough is enough. Life is short for waiting on something!
My life now is full of frustrations and failures. I want to start anew. I wanted to invest and I can't do it. I want to start a business and I can't do it. I want to be happy with my life and I can't have one. I want to be successful in my work and I feel it's not. I wanted to have a relationship and I am still single. I want to keep smiling because of a great life and I am just so lost.
I thought before, I would not be exhausted with all of our arguments, but in the end I felt I need to give up already because it's not worth fighting for anymore. I had moments that I just wanted to die because no one cares for me. I had moments that I would be so tired that it is just a hassle to keep moving forward and look for a good future.
I feel that it doesn't matter anymore because there is nothing right. Things will just not changed, I guess because we can just blow up in any second. If we feel something wrong, we would just show our frustration and anger towards each other. It's unavoidable in a way, as we have the same traits. Any wrong button pushed, it will just spread like wildfire. I hope it was different but it's not. There are only two choices to make... It's either to just give up and move on or continue on and hope for the best to come.
But, hoping for something better in the future is not so easy, especially for me. I hate waiting for something, I want the answer immediately. It's either YES or NO and I just can't accept MAYBE. It's who I am and it would not change. I hate waiting! I just hate it! If there is only a chance for me to know then I can clear my mind now and move forward, and if not, then I can just say enough is enough. Life is short for waiting on something!
My life now is full of frustrations and failures. I want to start anew. I wanted to invest and I can't do it. I want to start a business and I can't do it. I want to be happy with my life and I can't have one. I want to be successful in my work and I feel it's not. I wanted to have a relationship and I am still single. I want to keep smiling because of a great life and I am just so lost.
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