Writing without Inspiration
Though I've written a lot, most of it was private to once a special girl in my life. But now, I've been writing without an inspiration. I wrote with my heart for her but most of them was neglected as I am now... Alone. I really never thought of loving someone after the worst breakup I had. I flew thousand of miles just to be back with her, but all my effort was just a piece of shit for her. Life right now was never like before, though now I earn more, but my life will never be the same again. I will always have doubts about relationships. I don't know if I will ever trust a relationship again.
When I was writing those love letters, I was full of emotions... I can be happy, sad, in love or in tears, in joy or in pain. It was a long distance relationship, she sacrificed to sleep late and I did too, we wake up early to be together even just online. But, nothing in her world could keep her away from the doubts that I will not be coming back and even I came back, I was made to be a liar.
Life for years were all about pains, regrets, and having no more self-esteem. I was dragged so low that I worked in places I never thought I would work. I never did like the jobs I worked in for the year I stayed there. I never did, the worst part of it was, I have been accused of being there not for her but for a better living and better pay.
Do you think I loved my work after I left the job I loved doing even I was earning less than what I earned there? I left my job for her. I sacrificed but what she did was accuse me of all things I can be accused of. And because of this stupid love, I just took it all. I took all the bad things thrown at me, even in my heart I was hurting. I was hurting because I only see dollars in her eyes, I never saw love after I came back.
So, now I am alone. I'm sad because I trusted my life for her and this is what happened to me. People ask me about why I am still single. My answer is I don't trust relationships anymore. Yes, I see people happy with their relationships, that is their relationship and not mine. I still don't trust it.
PS. I usually write with some inspiration, but now I have none. Maybe, my inspiration now is hatred.
When I was writing those love letters, I was full of emotions... I can be happy, sad, in love or in tears, in joy or in pain. It was a long distance relationship, she sacrificed to sleep late and I did too, we wake up early to be together even just online. But, nothing in her world could keep her away from the doubts that I will not be coming back and even I came back, I was made to be a liar.
Life for years were all about pains, regrets, and having no more self-esteem. I was dragged so low that I worked in places I never thought I would work. I never did like the jobs I worked in for the year I stayed there. I never did, the worst part of it was, I have been accused of being there not for her but for a better living and better pay.
Do you think I loved my work after I left the job I loved doing even I was earning less than what I earned there? I left my job for her. I sacrificed but what she did was accuse me of all things I can be accused of. And because of this stupid love, I just took it all. I took all the bad things thrown at me, even in my heart I was hurting. I was hurting because I only see dollars in her eyes, I never saw love after I came back.
So, now I am alone. I'm sad because I trusted my life for her and this is what happened to me. People ask me about why I am still single. My answer is I don't trust relationships anymore. Yes, I see people happy with their relationships, that is their relationship and not mine. I still don't trust it.
PS. I usually write with some inspiration, but now I have none. Maybe, my inspiration now is hatred.
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