Month-End Reflections (October 2016)

Where did I go? I went back home. A few things I came back, but it was really not meant to happen. I guess it would take time and I feel like I'm failing again for what I wanted to do in my life to reach my dreams, another hole that I wanted to pursue and I never grabbed it all in. Things were really not meant to be, but I didn't expect that I would have more fun being outside and meeting people around than staying put in the place I called my own. Things are just not right and I feel the emptiness, I needed something to make me feel happy and glad of coming back home. And it was met with smiles, forgotten hi's and hello's from the people I've lost contact with and glad to have met them again for a long time.


Why Am I Here?
I was nervous in things that I did for half of my month, I was reluctant in handling conversations, I was lost and blur for most part of it. I guess it was a good thing, because if so, it matters and people around me matters so much that I'm afraid of making any mistakes in front of them. I am glad that I felt the emptiness so I can be happy to be with the people I remembered who are my friends and family. I have been alone for a long time and have never felt so happy with the people I was close with. I'm here because of the people around me, who made me and guided me to be me.


What Did I Learn This Month?
I learned that trusting people is hard to do when it comes to material things. But what makes our lives important are the people who makes you feel happy and nervous at the same time. This is because you know they matter most in your life. I learned that people in my life, those who matters most, those who I know would be there in my last breath, I learned that people in my life matters. And because of them, I would enjoy my life. And they are my friends and family.


Am I Carrying An Excess Baggage In This Month That Can Be Dropped?
I guess I need to carry again the excess baggage until these rats give me back my money. It's a hard-earned money that I have planned for my future. Well, once they pay their debts it's all over. From there, this baggage will be gone and these rats would not be welcome into my life again. I have dropped a lot of people in my life, some dropped me off, but life goes on. I need to carry on this burden longer than I wanted to, but I have no choice. So, let's see before the end of next month, if these rats pay up. (Well, it's the same as last month.... I don't need to change this)


What Is The Greatest Achievement I Did This Month? 
I felt happy with the people I was with for this month. I felt revitalized. I felt I was important. I remembered the old times and these were the times that made who I am today. A realization that my friends are important in my life to guide me to the life I wanted to be in. A realization that my friends are an essential part of my life to find happiness and comfort.


What Is the Biggest Time Sink I Did This Month?
It's about thinking of the negative people who makes my life worse than scum. I feel hopeless while they enjoy their lives and keep afloat in the expense of my success. I feel sorry for myself for trusting these people who made a fool out of me. I felt so helpless for these people who betrayed me in the name of money. I hope karma will go to you, because I wanted to live my life for myself and my future and not to use me for whatever you wanted in your life.


What More Should I Do For Next Month?
Be thankful for the true friends I have. For those who would stand by my side. Those are the people I know who would make me feel happy and glad that I am here. Those people who made me who I am today and for those people who support me in the decisions I made and for those people who tells me in my face that those are bad decisions I made. Those are the true friends I have, those who stood by me for years.


Who Did I Help This Month?
I helped a few friends to dive into their cravings while in the Philippines. Well, I guess they would not have any choice of trusting me though. Well, I hoped they liked what I bought and I hope this would not be the last time. I guess that is a few things I can help them with.


Whom Should I Say "Thank You" This Month?
The theme of this month is about my friends. And I really thank my friends who made me feel at home back in the Philippines. For the new friends and family that I met in Pampanga. My friends in my elementary days. For the people I grew up with and guided me to where I am now. I am thankful to God that made my trip memorable because of the friends I have in my life.