Disturbed

The start of this year was I was expecting, until heavens brought me problems and I have no idea how I would be able to get away from. I have been struggling in looking for new opportunities and what I have now is not working and everything that I planned is not working and I can't seem to find a way out of this. Until I realized that I am in the 11th floor of my place and wanting to put away my life. 

Can killing myself be the solution to solve my issues? Can killing myself be the solution to all the problems I am having? Can killing myself be the best option? I believe so, I wanted to end my life and until now, I've been thinking of it. I don't know how to make my situation better. I don't know who can help me in the deep trouble that I am in. 

I am alone and I just don't have anywhere to go until I think of killing myself. I have forgotten to believe that God looks out for me. I don't believe that I can't find anymore solution to this. Things are just so tiring to think and I'm believing that this is the end. How? What am I to do when all the positive things I think are just nothing and all things come as negative. How will I believe that I am still watched from above when I can't be given what I needed. 

I have lost my positive outlook in life. I have lost all senses to believe that there is a God. I have lost to believe that in the future my life will be better. I have lost trust that I am loved and cared for. As I am at the rooftop, I am still looking below of how fast will I end up from where I am sitting, while writing this blog. Don't pity me, don't give me words of wisdom, don't give me praises, don't give me all the BS that you think will help me, don't give me that words that I am wrong. 

I have lost trust... I am now disturbed... and once I die... I will haunt all the people who have wronged me...