ScorpionTearz Month-End Reflections (February 2017)

Depressed. I have been thinking of ending my life. This is what I am feeling right now. I may look that I am strong outside, but inside I am troubled. Why would every single time I made major decisions in my life, I feel that it doesn't work at all? Is it always that my happiness is built around the troubles I am facing now? I don't feel safe and it seems that I just can't get around this. I'm tired and just be of help even for myself. What can I do when I don't even know who to run to for me to solve the problems that I am in now?


Why Am I Here?
I really don't know why I am here... I feel I am in this world just to inflict wound to myself and to kill myself. I'm getting tired of people ruining my life and I guess it's time to get what they want. I'm tired of being a stupid person. I'm tired of being foolish that I can make big decisions in my life. I know that many people may be worse than me, but we are on different worlds. I am finding myself to trouble myself and it seems that every single time I make a big decision, it doesn't work. Why is it?


What Did I Learn This Month?
I learned that I am not loved and just here to suffer on the decisions I make in life. This is what I learned.


Am I Carrying An Excess Baggage In This Month That Can Be Dropped?
I myself is the excess baggage for myself and I can just drop myself dead.


What Is The Greatest Achievement I Did This Month? 
My greatest achievement is to know what I don't have the choice.


What Is the Biggest Time Sink I Did This Month?
To think that I can make decisions for myself. I am just tired and any help is nothing to me now.


What More Should I Do For Next Month?
To think what is the best way to kill myself.


Who Did I Help This Month?
I can't even help myself... how would I even help anyone?


Whom Should I Say "Thank You" This Month?
I would say thank you to all the people who is causing me to be this way. THANK YOU!