Doubts

I was never the best in class, I was just an average kid. I was never the cutest kid, I never became handsome. I felt alone most of times, though I had my friends with me in school. I was just someone who would be your average. Though I never intend to be the popular kid, though I never intended to be the top, I wanted to be just more than average. I never liked my face, I never liked my height, I never liked how I can't speak to girls and ask them out. I never had that confidence in me. I never had a moment I can say I am a good boy.

Life was not hard. I had classmates who were nice and sometimes not. But we just had our great times together. Until I found my life doubtful, I doubted my abilities, I doubted myself of talking to people, I doubted myself of being me. Life was generous, I just never had the courage to be me. I was this ugly ducking who felt had no place in the hearts of the girls I liked. So much doubt that I accepted the fact that I will just be single.

All I wanted is assurance in life, all I wanted was someone who will tell me that they love me for who I am. But still I doubt why they love me, still I doubt the love because of what I give, still I doubt the love because I feel I am not good enough, still I doubt the love because I am just average. All these doubts bug me, these doubts stresses me out, these doubts makes me feel alone and unloved even I am loved.

Someone who loves me now told me not to overthink. I felt the sincerity in that, I felt it was real, but I still doubted the intentions, I still doubted how I am being loved who I beautiful. It just feel empty at times when I think of this, it is not anyone's fault, but mine. I may push the love that is given to me now and I might lose that love again. To be strangers again and to find someone I can be doubtful again of the love. I had enough of these doubts. I just had enough.

I will accept the facts that is given my way, there are no accidents in life, I love the person I am with right now. I love how it is that we keep it private. I love that we only know that we love each other. Though I wrote these things in my stage, I want to keep my love private, because we want it to be. I hope people will understand in time, because our love is not share to the world, but only for us. 

I am thankful that the love that arrived was unexpected, I never thought I would love this way, but I did. I never thought that the doubts I have in my life, will be parked aside because of the love I am receiving right now. Don't get me wrong, I still have my doubts, but more than my doubts are the words and actions. It will just be there, parked, as long as we find our ways out of the disappointments we have now, we will carry on with our lives, together. I hope. 

I never asked for this, but I will go ahead and bridge the gap. I never thought it will happen, but it did. Maybe in time, we will share our love, but now, we want it private, because our love is not to share for the world, but for the two of us. Love arrives in different ways, like this. Just remember, the words and actions are powerful, I can forgive the past, we live in the present, and keep moving forward for the future.