Life without You

It's just a few days before the end of your life began. I was torn apart from deep inside of the person I loved the most, who would not come back to me and add to that are the struggles at my work. While I was fixing my life with the broken heart and living penniless, here comes another heartache of you leaving us from the world. I was never felt so bad in my life when I was in Singapore.

I always tell to people the story of why I went to Singapore, the brokenhearted guy who left his job for a woman who thought he can marry, but never did come true, which was the reason of not coming back. I never told them of my other struggles in my life because it was never the reason I never wanted to come back. But the other story that made me felt that I was not meant to stay is when I lost my mother while I was staying in there. I still remember the day the learned about it and I still remember the days that went on until her last breath. I was able to speak to her and I had hoped that she would hear me because I loved her and I was sorry that I was not there with her.

Just a few days left and it will be another year of loneliness, of not hearing your voice over the phone, another year of not tasting the best food I ever tasted in my life, another year of not having a kiss from you, another year of just being here waiting where will I start a new journey without you. I made strides in my life, I am back home, but you are not here. I am back home, but I will never see you again. I am back home, but I will forever miss the food you cook. I am back home, waiting for your kiss. 

As I remember the life that you were here, I was not there for you. But in the end, I regret the life I had when you were here. I never valued your presence, I never valued your life, but I saw your pain, I saw you struggle and through all and all, you still loved us. You loved me as your son. I will always be grateful and thankful for all of my life. 

The day we lost you, I cried at church and the skies cried together with you. I will never forget the mass that I just cried because I will never ever see you again with your smile and with your love. But I know, you in heaven, will always protect us and love us, the same way as you were here with us.

And to the person behind the struggles I had when I was in Singapore, she made me realize that I can be loved and I can be left behind as well. She made me laugh, she made me scared that I would lose her and I did, she made me find my true love, she made me find my soul. Now, I think back in the year I was in there, we had more struggles than the love we had for each other. I really don't know why, but at the end of this, I feel that I can love you the way I have loved you before.