Yet Another One

 

So I thought I lost my access to my personal blog. Something that I didn't update for more than a year. I lost track of what had happened to blogger, but it's great that I gained access to it again. Though this is not the purpose of why I wrote this blog post. It's just good to point it out.

Well, the reason why I haven't written anything here is when I met her, she wasn't interested in reading my blogs. So, I decided not to write anything until now. But for some reason, I can't sleep and I needed to open up this blog and write. So, here I am.

As I focus on what happened in my life (or ours if I may say) was full of memories captured in a camera lens which we will only see. We traveled here and there, capture the happy smiles, great food, and beautiful sceneries. Life was good until we hit a curve - called COVID-19 and the lockdown. 

Let's blame the pandemic to our differences and arguments now that we don't see each other. Blame this pandemic because we can't see each other. Blame this pandemic because we lost touch. Blame this pandemic that our relationship will soon be over. It's sad because it was great before this. 

It's like Deja Vu again. A relationship in the distance that didn't work and so this too. Now, I guess is the last draw for us. I can't sleep because of this, even with my tired body with my work, my mind keeps me awake with the emotions I feel right now.   I hated the times that my previous relationship didn't work, it was the distance, it was someone else in it, other than the two of us. And you know what? I really don't know, but it seems like there is another one.

As I try to focus on the happy thoughts and memories we shared, even the words until now she tells me. It bothers me that what we say is not enough and this was the same thing back then, like 8 years ago (I think). So, why? I guess I will be happier alone again. Though I just read this saying today... As the doors close, the windows will open... opportunities will come. But, the heck? I rather close the doors and feel emotionless than to deal with this again. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm done if this will end.

I guess my life will end with just me. No family of my own. Just me. Alone.