My Dearest Nanay... After a Year

A year has passed when my world fell apart and saw for the last time Nanay. It is still fresh on my mind when the skies where crying with us and I was praying that I can still be with her longer so I can say my last peace. It was that time of my life which I know would come but I never did expect it to be so soon.

It was a week of sadness and sorrow, when I saw my relatives and friends of Nanay visit her, it gave me a smile that she is loved by so many. But then again, I would feel sorry that I wasn’t with her when she left us. Flowers, greetings, songs and prayers for Nanay were an everyday event. I never wanted to sleep and just be with Nanay and look at her for the longest period of time.

It was a long ride to San Antonio de Padua Church, a time when we would send our final prayers to Nanay. I never wanted it to end and when I saw my family, relatives, and friends crying as they send their final prayers and blessings to Nanay, there is only one word coming out from my heart and that is SORRY.  No one would understand how sorry I was, for the things I have done and what I haven’t.

Then we went to her final resting place, I remember only seeing my family, then I only saw Nanay. She was there with me, when I sent my final kiss to her, a long kiss that is. A kiss that I returned for all the kisses she gave me my entire life. I would never forget how she kisses me every time I come back home every year and before I leave the country. I never wanted my kiss to end, but had to.

Someone asked my Tatay if she can be lowered down. I wanted to say no, but I know it’s impossible and when everybody leaned backwards, I stayed there and looked at Nanay. The sight was never ending, until it stopped, then flowers, dirt, rain and tears cover Nanay. I never moved a single inch and never wanted to turn back, because that would be the last time I would see Nanay. Then finally it was over and it was that moment I realized she was no longer with us.

I want to thank you for bringing me into this world and sorry for everything. I Miss You and I Love You my Dearest Nanay Dely.