Life and Death

Life would have been so easy if everything just goes as planned. But that’s not the case. We live a life full of challenges that would either make or break us. We can just give up or stand tall and do something about it. But it’s harder than it seems to be. The faith that we hold on to is what makes us strong. But at times we would lose that faith and simply forget about it.

In my trainings I would say turning negatives to positives, but some of the challenges that happens into life is such drag that you would rather die. Thinking of which, if I would die this instant, what would I have to say to the people who know me? Is it that I would tell them that I learned to live a life full of joy and sadness.

In a way, I was raised in a home that made me for who I am today. I am the youngest, and being one made me feel that I am special in the family much more the only boy. I went to a school that I learned the essence of friendship and most importantly faith in God. I had moments that I have doubted myself that I am no good and am nobody, which until now I feel at times. This would just tear me apart, and then I would think that I rather die than to have this feeling.

When I talk about love, it is the need of being loved by someone. It was hard to find the one true love, and once given a chance, it had more pains and heartaches than love and friendship. Giving all that I had to give was not enough and if I’d be silent my love is doubted. Having a relationship is hard but I know it is worth an effort because of the longing and care that I was numb to feel. I would love to have a companion before I die, but if I die this instant, I know there is no one. Maybe I’m just cut out to be alone the rest of my life and no one to love me. For that someone I love, I say… I love you with all my heart.

I know I would need to be more assertive with myself, but the fear of failure and rejection just keeps on bringing me down. I rather die when I don’t learn to change myself. I rather die when I seem not to take care of the people I love. I rather die when I cannot support myself to be a better person than I am now. I rather die when I keep on making more failures in my life rather than success.

Death can come to me in anytime, do I fear dying? Yes, I do. I fear it because of the people I care and love. I fear it because I would never see the light again. I fear it because I am alone.