the day i decided...

I knew what I will return to... it was a broken relationship that I wanted to fix. I had full of hope, but I know it would be hard because her trust for me was not there anymore. I never thought I would do what I did, even she was thought to believe that I will no longer be there. I hated not being there by her side when she was sick, I hate when she didn't have anyone to turn to and I wasn't there, I hated it when I was there, just because she needed me by her side.

I blamed others letting her hear that I was not sincere. I also blamed myself for not fulfilling my promise. But I didn't let go, I didn't for a long time, even after she left me for someone else. I still loved her when she felt in love with someone else, because I believed that someday I can be with her again.

In the end, I had to let go because it is really not meant to be. I was asked by lots of people of meeting someone new. But it was all fun of seeing that I can be fond of someone else other than the one I used to love. 

Do I intend to look for someone? For now, NO. I decided that my life will just be fine with having me as my anchor, having me as the lifeguard, having me as my own partner. I sacrificed a lot for a relationship that was not meant to be.

God had plans for me, as of now... what I know is that my future for myself is getting brighter and clearer, of the dreams that I thought I never would have is near. I hope it would come closer. As for God's plan for a partner, I still don't know, maybe I would or maybe I wouldn't have. 

It was not about all the money I can have on the day I decided to leave, it was all about you. But, I was not good enough for you.