Appreciating What You Have

The life I have is far from perfect. I always doubt the decisions I made for myself. I never did have the courage to say what I had to say to the person I love. I was afraid that everything will go wrong in the end. I am not comfortable in talking to people that I don't know. I feel insecure with the people around me. With all the hardships I had and the decisions I made in my life until now, there were regrets, but I just need to keep moving forward to who I can be before the end of my time. 

I don't always appreciate my life, what I have, what I did for me or for others and what I say to people. Some people might say I'm outgoing, full of courage, a person who can just stand on stage and talk to people, a person who can be who I can be, but it's the exact opposite of who I am. With all the toughness I have is not who I am. I am a loser and have low self-esteem. This blog is an outlet, this blog is for me to be I thought I can be. I am a loner and always want to have all the time for myself. And this is who I am.

I appreciate my life now, I made troubles for myself and others, I made poor and bad decisions, I made things complicated, but with all of these, people who became close to me praise me with what I have done for them. People thanked me for being their guide. People thanked me for being a mentor. And I'm also thankful that even I feel that I can be somebody, they made me feel that somebody.

With all the transitions I had in my life, I appreciate what I have become and what I have.  Things may be beyond what I expected in my life, but it's such a great experience of wanting to reach the dreams I have for myself. 

And I will get a few lines from Matthew McConaughey's acceptance speech for winning Best Actor in the Oscars... "There’s a few things, about three things to my count that I need each day. One I need something to look up to, another something to look forward to, and another is someone to chase. Now first off I want to thank God, because that’s who I look up to. To my family, that’s who and what I look forward to. And to my hero, that’s who I chase. Now when I was 15 years old, I have a very important person in my life come to me and say, “Who is your hero?”. And I said I don’t know I gotta think about that, give me a couple of weeks. I come back two weeks later, this person comes up and says “Who’s your hero?” And so I thought about it and I said you know who it is, it’s me in 10 years." 

With this, I found myself thinking of what I need to do with my life each day are the same three things.